my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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