Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
