Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
My feet surprised me
Randomize
