We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Cover your peen. We're going out.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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