I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
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