thus making me awesome and them whores
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
