Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Randomize
