The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
