nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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