wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
