Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
