so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
