He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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