the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
