Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
