Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
