Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
