If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Randomize
