Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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