Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
