So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
