This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
