her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
It's rum buckets o'clock
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
