Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
