Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
