All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
