i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
