I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
