Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
