It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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