yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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