i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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