Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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