Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
