I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
