I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
