Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
