Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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