my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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