we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I looked at my own cervix.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
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