I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
