help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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