Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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