Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
