I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
