So drunk, too bad you don't want this
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
