Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
