It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I have aggressive nipples.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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