Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
