Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
